Oh the ladies of my life.
Today we met up with Boo's friends from her preschool class at a bounce warehouse place here in town. It's a big room filled with bouncie castles and slides. It's about 8 bucks a person for unlimited bounce time and it's FUN. The workout alone is worth the admission price.
I was so psyched to spend time with my oldest girl. I pictured us holding hands and bouncing and giggling and sliding and having the best time. Just like we did the last time we went. About this time last year. Her friends were there that time, but Boo wanted to stick with me.
Today Boo and I were the first ones in the place. We threw off our shoes and ran for the biggest slide and slid down a billion times. We bounced, we laughed, we had fun. For ten minutes. Then her friends walked in and I didn't see her again for three hours.
Oh, I SAW her. I made sure I knew where she was at all times. But did she want anything to do with me? Noooooo! "Boo, come on! Let's go bounce! Come on everyone, let's go bounce. Let's race down the slides. It will be FUN!" Her friends were into that idea and would grab my hand and go YAYYY! Boo would roll her eyes, grab the hand of her friend back, and take off in the opposite direction.
The knife that went through my heart! Ouch!! How badly does that hurt??! No one told me it happened this soon. Why didn't they warn me? She's four. I thought there was a lot more time before mommy wasn't wanted.
After bouncing, we headed home. My mother was watching the babies so Boo and I could have our alone time. Now I know if I want alone time with Boo, make a date ALONE WITH BOO!! Lesson learned, thank you.
I asked my mother when we'd be seeing her on Easter Sunday. We always get together to dye eggs and watch Boo find eggs and then have lunch and family time. My mother informed me she wouldn't be participating in Easter this year. She and the boyfriend are having lunch, then a quiet afternoon. They are not interested in spending time with the girls on Easter.
Again with the knife into the heart!
My mother is pulling away from our family. It's a reality that has been hard to face, but must be faced. She cannot balance the boyfriend and being a grandmother. I don't know if it's his deal or her deal or both of their deals. She is my mother and will always be my mother even when she breaks my heart, which she does on a regular basis but she's her and I'm me and life goes on and I'll have a great Easter with my girls and Matt. The end.
And this is me. Always longing for family. Always longing for love. Always longing for validation. Anyone surprised I want to be a performer?